Today begins the end

11/09/2011

Dad,
You were diagnosed with Alzheimer's yesterday. But, the signs have been around for some time. Mom knows more of the details than I do. She said that the past few months you have been forgetting things, like when you would run to the grocery store to get something she asked for and you would forget by the time you go there. I know that doesn't sound that serious, but apparently it has become more prevalent. And she said that it was taking you an hour or so to run a thirty minute errand. Now, I know you drive slow, but Anderson isn't that big and taking that long sounded suspect.

Mom was concerned enough to take you in for testing. The doctors put you through both verbal and computerized testing. You also went for an MRI. For some reason it took two weeks to get the results, but knowing now what they were, I think I could have waited a lifetime to hear Mom's news. "It's Alzheimer's".

I got her text at 11:50 a.m. at work. As much wondering and speculation and research could not really prepare me for those words. The worst thing is happening to the sweetest man. Daddy, you really are the sweetest man I know. And that is all I could think about after hearing your diagnosis. Why is this awful thing happening to the sweetest man? I even got mad at God. "You know Butler, You know he has loved You, and You let this happen." I don't think that anger has gone away. But, I don't know how that anger will help either.

The next thing I thought about is, "Oh, my Mom, this is just not fair." Mom not only went through breast cancer this year, but now she has this crisis to deal with. She will now take on a more intensive role in your daily care, where she has never had to do that for you. You have always been self-sufficient, not having to rely on someone to remind you to take care of yourself. Now Mom will have to remind you to take your medicine, remind you to bathe, remind you to eat. And she doesn't even have someone to care for her now. It's a one way street now. A very unfair one way street.

She loves you Daddy, so please don't get upset when she gets frustrated. She feels overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the past few weeks and it's hard on her. I so wish I lived closer so that I could be there every day to help. To take the stress from her. To help you stay active. To talk to you and hear your stories about growing up. To watch you watch Annie and see your eyes light up when that little stinky dog jumps in your lap. To let you know that through everything that has happened and will happen, I love you. I will never stop loving you. If you forget who I am, I will remember you and know you loved me. And that you gave me everything you could give. That you sacrificed daily for your family. You truly are the sweetest man. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Forever with Love,
Claire